Navigate to
A topic some women might feel shy or intimated to talk openly about is sex and menopause. Many think it requires having guts to discuss, or that ‘only the brave’ will dare to touch on it with others. However, when I’ve shared my experiences with likeminded women in forums and workshops, it’s not so scary, it’s fun even! I’m provided with opportunities to find solace with those who understand what going through menopause is like.
For many, the effects of menopause can make it hard to enjoy or even engage in sexual activity, but your sex life should not stop at menopause if you don’t want it to.
What is the menopause?
Menopause is a new chapter in a woman’s very intricate and colourful life.
Some women start early, some start late, and others start accordingly, but it happens at the end of a person’s menstrual cycle, where their periods stop, triggered by lowering hormone levels.
The way we perceive and address the subject matter of ‘going through the menopause’ differs based on each individual's circumstances.
What can happen during menopause?
The decrease in oestrogen and collagen during the menopausal process lowers the amount of lubrication present in the vagina. Menopausal and postmenopausal women may notice that they’re not as easily aroused as before, and they may be less sensitive to touching and stroking. Some women may also experience a tightening of the vaginal opening, burning, itching, and dryness (called vaginal atrophy). For most, experiences of vaginal dryness can therefore cause discomfort during sex or vaginal stimulation.
Due to lowering or shifting oestrogen levels, low mood during menopause is also a common problem many women experience during menopause of post-menopause. This is because oestrogen has a positive effect on our mood, and when it falls, can cause our mood to fall with it. Experiencing low mood can impact our self-esteem and sense of wellbeing, which can affect our self-confidence as well as any bonds and intimacy with partners.
Experiencing all of this can end up leading us to having little to no interest in sex once starting the menopause. Yet interestingly, regular sex and vaginal stimulation can actually help.
How can sexual activity help during the menopause?
Frequent sexual activity can help with vaginal lubrication as it promotes blood circulation to the vagina which can help the tissue to be healthier and can also improve symptoms associated with thinning vaginal walls and vaginal dryness. During sexual activity, endorphins, which are our body’s natural pain relievers, are released. The same chemical is released during other pleasurable activities such as exercise, eating, massages, and works by helping to relieve various pains by blocking the pain out, all whilst boosting the parts of our brain in charge of pleasure.
Frequent sexual activity can also have mental and emotional benefits, increasing the feeling of wellbeing. During sexual activity, hormones called oxytocin and vasopressin are released that produce a sense of wellbeing and pleasure, regardless of whether there is an orgasm. Sexual intimacy can also help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression as it triggers the release of three mood-boosting chemicals – dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin. These feel-good chemicals also help with the emotional bond with our partners.
How do I increase my sex drive?
A person’s libido, also referred to as a ‘sex drive’, can be greatly impacted by the menopause, and it can be difficult to know how to build it back up.
If you are wanting to increase your sex drive, you can try:
- Reducing dryness with moisturisers (applied every two days) and lubricants (applied during intercourse)
- Talk with your partner about what you like during sexual activity
- Rest up to restore your energy
- Schedule time for sex so can prepare
- Spend more time engaging in foreplay
There is no standard when it comes to sex- explore and learn which sensations are most pleasurable to you and then put them into practice. Having an open mind is key to fully enjoying your sexuality!
What creams and lubricants should I use?
Creams: Ask your doctor or GP about using oestrogen creams to reduce vaginal dryness and itching, which they can then prescribe for you.
Lubricants: Water-based vaginal lubricant can help you improve lubrication and have more pleasurable sexual experience. You can get a water-based lube (e.g. Natalist) from any sexual health clinics or over the counter from Boots or any shops that sell condoms. Stay clear of oil-based lubricants such as baby oil, coconut or massage oils, as they are more likely to irritate the vagina. Oil-based lubes should also be avoided, as they can degrade the structure of latex condoms, making it easier for them to tear and fail as both contraception and STI protection.
A life of balance
There are also other ways that don’t involve or are outside of sexual activity to help with managing your menopause - living a good balanced life will also help with your journey. This looks different for each person, however for most that includes:
🥗Healthy eating
🏃🏾️Regular exercise
🌊Drinking plenty of water
💅Self-care
❤️A good dose of self-compassion!
Menopause is just the end of your menstrual cycle, not your sex life!
Your sex life should not stop at menopause if you don’t want it to. Keeping an open mind and being willing to experience new sensations will help increase your sexual desire and have pleasurable relationships.
Plus, if you don’t have a partner, no need to fret - there are lot of various sex toys available on the market, and don’t forget you can use what you naturally have… to hand!
It’s been my pleasure sharing sex and the menopause blog with you. What’s your next move?
Manifest your Menopauseness, Embrace it with love!
- Jane, Peer Mentor